I am becoming (on motherhood)

August 1, 2014 Karen Huber

There was no switch, no lightbulb. A waning shift in posture, imperceptible to the naked eye.

We grow into it, don’t we? The nine months we wait, our hands cradling, rubbing the genie bottle of our womb. We make a wish a thousand times over. For fingers and toes, for health and happiness. For safety and sleep-filled nights. And for grace.

Oh God, we pray, give me grace. Grace and strength and the wisdom to not mess this up.

***

“When I get home, let’s get on the baby-making train,” I tell him from a payphone in Temple Bar. I am in Ireland and in love and I am silly to think I am ready. We’ve been married three years now and our friends are having children. Irish babies smile at me with round, ruddy cheeks. “Okay, okay,” he laughs at me, “Let’s go for it.” I do not know it yet, but I am already a passenger on the baby train. I am five weeks gone and it will take a half-dozen pregnancy tests before I believe it.

***

You remember Fiona, don't you? She shared her words with us awhile back as she prepared to welcome her daughter Kaya into the world (who is so gorgeous, by the way). As she acclimates to motherhood, she invited me to share a bit of my own coming into it. This was a surprisingly painful exercise, and I struggled at that table in Starbucks, writing about those first days, finding myself suddenly in tears at the memory of it. I'd love it if you would join me over at her blog to read the rest.

What I'm Into {July + a bit of June 2014}

August 1, 2014 Karen Huber

I spent most of June in post-wedding/post-transatlantic-trip recovery. Thankfully July has provided some much needed white space and down time. Here's what I've been into this month:

READING

I just finished reading Notes from a Blue Bike* by Tsh Oxendreider, an easy, pleasurable read about cutting out chaos and living with an intentional slowness. I found I related so much to the longings of the former, simple (though not always pleasant) way of European life when we repatriated back to the US. At times, I did find myself asking, "What isn't she perfect at?" But Tsh did well to write about more vulnerable moments...

10 things you need to know about "Call the Midwife"

July 25, 2014 Karen Huber

It's really hard living in two countries. One can never get on a television show bandwagon at the right time (zone). Take, for instance, my slow-to-catch-on, then completely obsessed, and eventually betrayed reaction to Downton Abbey. Or the fact I fit 7 seasons of Doctor Who into two months of binge-watching "enculturation."

Now I come to find out that everyone - EVERYONE - is right. Call the Midwife is brilliant. Heartbreakingly, wonderfully brilliant.

But SPOILER ALERT*. If you haven't seen any of it, don't read further. Or keep reading if you don't intend on seeing any of it and then I'll endeavor to change your mind. Because really.

Don't be afraid, girl

July 23, 2014 Karen Huber

Photo Credit: rolands.lakis via Compfight cc — Photo Credit: rolands.lakis via Compfight cc

I remember this age. Even now, I can see you.

You’re sitting on the slant of the roof. A dormer window allows you a bit of freedom, a smidge of rebellion. You have the attic mostly to yourself, a gift from the men of your church who spent sweaty August hours converting the space. You take pride in decorating it, setting up a desk, putting a calendar on the wall and creating soft light with a little white lamp. You sit and pick up the pen, one of those silvery blue ones with a fuzzy ball at the end, and you open the book.

My Sister's Wedding

July 22, 2014 Karen Huber

I never saw her in her wedding dress. Well, not really. Only through the pixels of a fuzzy computer screen, a friend holding me up to her face as she cried yes to her dress. But I never saw her in it - and definitely missed the train bustle tutorial - until the day she was a bride.

And this is the face I made.

Blog

READING