Try did not work for me. Come April or May of last year, I was done with my "One Word" resolution of trying.
My familiar mantra of "but I tried so hard" failed me in the end, and instead of trying, instead of saying yes and just seeing what happens, I sat. I waited. I relied on others. And I said no. A lot. My year of "I'll try" turned into my year of "no, thanks." It was my year of slowness, my year of "not by might or power." This, of course, was exactly what I needed it to be.
If I were to really think about it, though, I could come up with a few things I did try. I tried this new blog space. I tried daily exercise (I'll let you guess how that one turned out). I tried out some boundaries. I tried to write 100 Christmas cards in the course of 3 weeks. I tried pumpkin cookies twice, both of which did not work particularly well. I tried not to cry at my sister's wedding. I tried paella in Spain. I tried to live in the midst of uncertainty. I tried to laugh at the days to come.
There is one thing I didn't really try to do. I had gone into last year thinking that "try" would lend itself to naturally to doing it, but I flaked. And as I was thinking of this year, thinking of ways I wanted to grow, parent and learn, this word kept popping up. A word I actually don't love all that much. A word that will surprise you, that made my husband laugh, that will cause most people to smile sweetly, saying, "Aw, bless."
Because they know. You all know. This word is a thorn in my side, in more ways than one.
Ugh. Just typing it makes me twitchy.
Now before you picture my husband laughing maniacally in a corner, plotting what ways I'll be submitting to his every whim in the near future, let me assure you: it's not exactly what you think. I'm anxious to tell you more about it, but this post was originally 1000 words on the inner workings of my haphazard heart, so I'll cut it short and give you three areas I'm focusing on.
- Submit my work and to a writing lifestyle
- Submit to the Spirit
- Submit in our marriage
Curious to see how this will work exactly? Me. Too.
PS: My one word 2013: Home. And it was wonderful.