A strange thing happened this week, super tiny and insignificant to the naked eye. I started following an indie radio station from my hometown, who happened to follow me back, and then an email that I'd been added to their list of Kansas City writers. I felt conflicted and, albeit, a little bit shamed.
No, I think, like a reflex, like a gasp of air after emerging from a wave. I'm not a writer, not in Kansas City, not really worth following. I'm a fraud, I think. I think this a lot.
But I smile anyway. Twitter doesn't lie, I hope.
***
Every few months or so I get super antsy about this blog. It's probably a seasonal thing, and with the ebb and flow of weather and responsibilities, I wonder what exactly it is I'm supposed to be writing about. I worry about the focus and goal of it, wonder if I should be concerned with growing it or just let it be an organic expression of our life here. I don't have any answers to any of those wonderings.
But I will say...
We are in a sweet time with Asher, our surprise baby, surprising us every day. I'm so grateful, once fearing I'd not be the mother I needed to be for him. But this morning my heart swells as we zip up his coat. He's taking his sister's pink backpack (with hearts, obviously) to school, all blonde wispiness and excitement. I am in love. So is Matt.
The eldest, the boy who turns 11 next week, is having a bit of trouble in school. Once a week he comes through the gates barely holding it all in, not from bullying or any such super serious goings on. But the self-esteem takes a hit occasionally, the hopes of a hoped-for reward dashed, and I can't ignore it. But I can't do much about it, either.
A friend - a woman of valor and beauty and wisdom - tells me to send in the Powerful One, He who knows all and who actually has the power to bring change. So I will.
Jack and I will go to Him, together.
And Ella? She is a steady force to be reckoned with, a fury of beauty. With a bad cough, as always.
How did these three become mine?
Today the sun brings such warmth and glory after so many days of wind and rain. I take Cocoa for a walk. Matt brings me coffee, kisses me goodbye as he heads out for the day.
It is February. Spring is nearly here.