Quick Link: Naming, Shaming and Apoligising
I’ve been thinking about what it takes to get an apology. It’s not so uncommon to hear the merits of forgiveness, 70x7 and all that. But how often do we exhort one another to ask for forgiveness? How long is too long, to let those words of empathy and sorrow go by? Does there have to be proof of wrongdoing or a public reprimand in order to make amends? And what if we never get it?
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Last year I did some hard heart work surrounding the act of forgiveness. Turns out I had some things churning within that I hadn't quite dealt with yet. Not just that, but when I uncovered these hidden trenches of not-quite-forgiveness, I was met not with that 70x7 Bible verse, but instead with:
That's okay.
Take your time.
What an amazing, freeing, even forgiving-oneself feeling. I'd been beating myself up over something I'd not yet gotten over, something I hadn't quite forgiven. In fact, forgiveness had never been asked, a sorry never said... an apology, still, may never appear.
Since that time, I've also wondered about the sorries I've never said, the times when I've let contrition pass through my rigid fingers and a firm upper-lip. I don't want to get to the end of another year - or, as the article above entails, another 30 years! - and realise I've let something go that may actually be harming someone else.
So maybe instead of focusing on forgiving in 2018, maybe we (...ahem, I...) should be honouring - and practicing - the apologising. I don't think it'll hurt as much as we think it will... and in fact, it'll probably be a blessing, for both parties, and an example to a watching and weary world.
Read more about apologising too late, and where a proud culture can go from here.